UNSPOKEN DEFINITIONS

FRIENDSHIP IS…

♥ forgiveness
♥ late-night talks about the most trivial and the most serious
♥ waking up with their little reminders that it’s going to be a happy day (so stop sulking and smile!)
♥ laughing about everything over pizza, pasta and baby back ribs (and beer and wengweng and vodka)
♥ and then splitting humongous bills
♥ crying over the sappiest stories together
♥ being happy and excited about each other’s latest conquests
♥ calling just to share that we’re happy, sad, angry, disgusted or confused.
♥ calling just to share that Francis M. died. (and then asking if you also cried.)
♥ sharing relationship woes and rooting for that friend always
♥ finishing each other’s sentences
♥ eating your leftovers
♥ borrowing your makeup
♥ reading blogs together; asking you to update your blog because she reads it.
♥ sharing earphones to listen to a song you both like
♥ squeezing tightly together so that everyone gets captured by the camera

II.

♥ walking back and forth in the middle of nowhere, but decided not to bitch at each other in the process
♥ indecisiveness on where to eat and being hungry together
♥ borrowing stuff that would take too long before it gets returned. And being aware of it.
♥ not minding if they’re an hour late. If it exceeds more than that, then there’s the riot.
♥ waiting with you just so you don’t wait alone
♥ giving you unsolicited advices but never judging
♥ telling you once in a while how much he or she misses you

LOVELOVELOVE

First of all, Happy Hearts Day everyone! For all the head-over-heels inlove lovers, may the fire that fuels your passion for each other burns eternally and for the dateless (but never loveless), it’s that time of the year again. It’s a good thing we have friends. LOL

Anyway, to honor St. Valentine, I decided to finally blog after a long hiatus. And it wouldn’t have been more special that I did it in one of the most anticipated days of the year. Valentine’s Day (or Araw ng mga Puso for us Pinoys) is memorialized in different forms, be it in the many bouquets of flowers sold, creatively-packed confectioneries, or in some cases, marriage proposal at the Ninoy Aquino International Airport. The streets and malls are fully emblazoned with Cupids and hearts, and once again, love and all its divine glory is in the air.

For us singletons, who are commonly but unfairly perceived to be sad, bitter and indifferent during this special day, Vday is the hardest to miss. It’s like Christmas all over again, where people expect other people to be with somebody. In fact, some people probably think coining February 14 “Singles Awareness Day” is a strong testament that singles are not really taking this day to heart (pun intended).

But I beg to differ.

The film Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind started with Jim Carrey saying, “Valentine’s Day is invented by greeting card companies to make people feel crap.” I used to agree with that (whether I was single or not). Not for spite or anything else, but just because of how the whole Valentine’s deal is usually received. On many levels, Valentine’s Day has become way too commercialized. Businesses get cutthroat to make profits and consumers bite. During this day, most people are actually pressured to do something, anything, no matter how cheesy or ridiculous, just so they won’t feel left out of things, or in this case, of trends.

The Lovapalooza is a prime example. Gathering people in a big venue and then watch them kiss or make out with each other along with thousands of other people is just tacky. It’s like a dirty fantasy. But in all fairness to the organizers, it really was an effective marketing concept. (What’s next, though? Strip shows, swing dances and orgies along Roxas Boulevard? Now that would be a riot.)

QUITTING COLD TURKEY

Sometimes you just can’t quit it. Of course I tried. Like a billion times. But it’s killing me just thinking that I have to let it go. Someday. But not now. Not yet, anyway.

I know it’s wrong but it’s just too good to pass. Even your neighbor agrees. I mean, yes, let’s face the fact that tomorrow, it’s going to be the same old crap. And everybody who loves to mind other people’s business are gonna be saying, “It’s wrong. You shouldn’t do it. You can do so much better than that.”

Maybe, on some level, I don’t want to quit it. There, I admit it. I like it very much. It makes me happy. It makes me feel that I am doing something that is so worth it. It makes me want to wake up every morning and feel that yes, finally, God is giving me a break. Even though, technically, this is not the break that I was expecting. Or what people are expecting I should expect.

But it’ll do. For now. I think.

Hold your horses for a while and stop telling me what to do. I’ve wasted so many moments in my life when I let people overpower me with their all-knowingness. You’re not the boss of me. Who’s to say what I deserve? Who’s to say that it’s wrong?

Yeah, you’re probably right. I am to say. I am to say that this is just one big fat joke. And the whole world is laughing, whispering to each other how much of a loser I am. I decided not to care. Yet deep inside, I’m expecting a pat in the back. At the very least.

IT’S SHOWTIME!

I believe that we are all celebrities. The more popular and adored celebrities who appear in our TV and movie screens are just those who managed to earn boatloads of money from acting much better than us (and of course who are given incomparable beauty and sex appeal. Talent, as always, is  optional.) As for us lowly creatures who are not exactly in the bigger, blinding spotlight, we still have to overcome random judgments and first impressions in our daily lives. We are not that much different from them.

We just have it much easier, I guess.

I feel that society, or the self-righteous majority, is that one big, shameless paparazzo we all try to avoid as much as we can. It’s because every little thing we do and say can never escape past his condescending and scrutinizing lens. What we do and don’t do may not grace the covers of magazines, but they are still juicy stories for some people.

Give me passion.

Flash.

Give me suffering.

Flash.

Give me undivided attention.

Flash.

Give me filth.

Flash.

Give me indifference.

Flash. Flash. Flash.

That “nobody is perfect” aphorism is full of crap.  People saying it, or almost believing it doesn’t exactly mean that they ARE NOT expecting you to be one. Of course, they do. They just won’t tell you.

A REALLY BIG BOOK FAIR

I went to the Manila International Book Fair last Saturday and I found it a bit disappointing. The last time I went there, I was able to score really big discounts and saw a huge variety of hard-to-find books. However, this year’s installment only have about two or three stores that have really great finds and most of the booths comprise Christian and children’s books, which for the record I have nothing against with. It’s just that unfortunately for me, they dominated the entire selection more than I could bear. Also, the seminars and workshops that were featured were not that interesting. But then again, I’m just one opinion.

The silver lining is, I was able to add seven new books on my shelf (although my savings had to be drained out again. *sigh*) But what would you do to have some real geek euphoria once in a while, right? One of my nicest finds was the U2 by U2 book for only P350. As quoted at the Amazon website, this book tells the story “from the anarchic days of U2’s Seventies punk origins through their Eighties ascent to superstardom with the epic rock of The Joshua Tree, the dark post-modern ironies of Achtung Baby in the Nineties and their 21st-Century resurgence as rock’s biggest and boldest band, this is a tale of faith, love, drama, family, birth, death, survival, conflict, crises, creativity . . . and a lot of laughter.”

Told with wit, insight and astonishing candor by the band itself and manager Paul McGuinness, with pictures from their own archives, U2 by U2 allows unprecedented access into the inner life of the greatest rock band of our times.

BIRTHDAYS AND WHY SURVIVOR PHILS. MIGHT NOT WORK FOR US

I’ve never really had a more blissful birthday than the day I turned 23. It’s not so much the idea of having to celebrate it simply. It’s because I felt that I’ve become a much more different person (for the better?), as inspired by my sheer desire to change the moment I turned a year older.

PS: To all the people who sent their birthday greetings before, during and after my birthday, I could never fully express my appreciation for all of you. Some of you even surprised me. That alone makes the day even more special than I ever thought it would be. Merci.

+++

While I was rummaging the Internet for some Survivor Gabon updates, the country’s own version of the reality TV show come to mind (BTW, when will it officially air? Anyone?) Now, I’m not exactly all flaps about the local version even though I’m a super fan of the American show. But I think that there are  factors why Survivor Philippines might fail to be as fun and as exciting as its predecessor.

Here are my matter-of-fact reasons:

1. Pinoys are ultra sensitive.

Survivor is about outwitting, outplaying and outlasting fellow castaways in the game. Yes, it’s also about magically making the most of life in a deserted island, since there’ll be no food or any other form of luxury out there. For this part, I think Pinoys can stand the test of time. We are, after all, one of the most tried and tested nationalities in the world.

But the other side of the game is what I am cynic about. The game is basically screwing each other in the end to win. Dealing with strangers is one thing. Betraying them is another.

Judging by the common Pinoy’s emotional threshold, I don’t think most of them can handle a game like Survivor, especially when emotions usually run high in the latter part of the show. Of course, friendships naturally form in the process and we as a people usually give utmost importance to that. We’d dodge a bullet for a friend, even give up a lot of money for them. Too much righteousness , gullibility and trust can be the boon of any Filipino survivor, IMHO. Moreover, most Pinoys take high regard of utang na loob and palabra de honor so it’s gonna be hard to overcome all these moral standards, and get by in the wilderness at the same time.

Lying, cheating and stabbing each other in the back are a norm in Survivor. The Pinoy moral compass shall be seriously conflicted. I don’t think Pinoys can understand the phrase, “it’s all part of the game” when they prioritize maintaining friendships along the way. And once you lied in the game, even if it’s the smartest thing to do strategy-wise, you’ll be branded a liar forever in Philippine society. And that’ll be harder to overcome.

Hey, I still hope I’m wrong about this.

HEY, IT’S MY BIRTH MONTH!

I’ll be turning twenty-three in 20 days. I didn’t even notice it until the time that I had to sort out deadlines for our Department for next week’s tasks.

I believe that this year is going to be very special for so many reasons. First and foremost, I’ve always loved the number 23. I know it sounds corny to admit but this number has a real special place in my heart for very significant basketball reasons. He inspired me to not settle for mediocrity and to see that the more failures you have in life, the more successful you are.

And now, in a few days, I’ll be 23. I feel so magical just thinking about it. I don’t really have concrete plans on how I would celebrate that day. The only think I know is that I have a few days to prepare to get wiser before I get a year older.

On that note, I would like to share simple principles that help me live each day better, and not just survive with the rest of the world.

(If you believe otherwise, that explains why we are different. Fair?:) )

Never smoke.

I have friends who smoke like there’s no tomorrow. I’ve been inhaling second-hand smoke since I became my father’s daughter. I have a career where yosi breaks and yosi-lizations are all part of the job. But I’ve never puffed one in my entire life. Not even for show. Maybe to save someone else’s life, I’ll try, but for everything else, cigarettes and I will never be in each other’s mouth.

Not even if Johnny Depp says so. (Hey, THAT is saying something.)

THE NEED FOR A SUPERHERO

This entry was spurred by my Dark Knight hangover. (BTW, the movie was awesome. Highly recommended, even for non-Batman fans like yours truly. )

Superhero movies are always exhilarating. They inject you with a weird kind of high, not solely because of the amazing special effects brought about by the most modern technologies in divine Hollywood, but also because of its Utopian elements that never fail to get us off.

But after two or more hours of big screen fun, the wonderful world of fantasy would eventually crush into void. After all, it’s not exactly real. Men who can fly, run as fast as light, swing from one building to another or have the Bat-effing-mobile to crash the Lambhorginis of the streets are just figments of someone’s imagination— transformed into reality through rolls and rolls of traditional film or, in this day and age, millions of dollars worth of HD or 3D effects.

After a few hours of make-believe awe, the world reverts back to normal mode.

We still need saving, though. The villains multiply faster than heroes.

And yet, we are all on our own.

DISCLAIMER.

I think I’ve mastered all the ways to put you behind.

Yet the world disagrees

And celebrates your existence.

The way the leaves sway with your mere breath

Is a conspiracy I have no power

To fight with

-

To deny that you respire

along with the rest of us

Is like filling up prairies

with broken tears

-

Trying to depart from you

Triggers the rain to wail with the thunder.

Along with the deafening throbs

Of every single day; thinking

Not at all believing

That you can never be mine.

THE BABY ITCH

Yeah, I know you want meeeh. Hoho!

I think most single girls in their 20s experience this sensation more than once in a while. Personally, I’d always feel the need to “scratch” every time a friend of mine asks me to be the godmother of his/her child.

It won’t get any easier when I have to go to the nearest baby store and buy the cutest baby stuff ever. Because that would most probably mean that I’ll be trying my damn best not to think about what I’d get if it’s already my turn in the mommy bandwagon.

Believe me, with so many nice choices for baby gifts, it’s hard to resist thinking about what to get for your future children.

But of course, I’m not exactly in a rush. (Hello, I don’t even have a boyfriend to scare the baby itch with. LOL) It’s just that since the first time I became someone’s baby’s godmother, I’ve always been “gigil na gigil” towards babies. Or “itching” at the mere idea of having a baby of my own. Whom I’d love to cuddle and bathe and feed and sing lullabies to sleep. And yes, someone whom once in a while I’d also like to spoil with the best of everything.

I don’t know if it’s the maternal instincts in every girl that bring out this inner giddyness but it really comes out more often than we want to. Baptisms, most especially, are always very sentimental for me. I’d often daydream about having a little girl or a little boy of my own whenever I see a friend being so “daddy” or “so mommy” during these momentous affairs. Heck, I don’t even care if I don’t have a husband while I’m at the business of daydreaming about it (who’d most probably be just a pain in the ass, given the many heartbreaking marriage stories I’ve heard these past few weeks. But whatever. I eat my words anyway.) as long as I’d go home to a bouncy, giggly little angel who would surely take my breath away.

*sighs*

Of course, this baby mania in my head would cease when I think of having to wake up at freakin’ 2 am in the morning to nonstop wailing and all the breastfeeding you have to do until your nipples are raw. Plus the many horrible stories of giving birth, 12 hours of labor and the 10-centimeters-dilating-phenomenon.

But what I would give for a cute little burp, a spit bubble or the most adorable laughter from a baby on a fine Sunday morning. I know it’d blow me away.

I mean, come on. Who wouldn’t get all “awwww” with these?